Loving Connections

Conversational Hypnosis

Hypnosis: What It Is and Is Not

There seem to be few subjects in the field of healthcare that are surrounded by more misunderstanding and mystery than clinical hypnosis. This unfortunate reality deprives clinicians and clients alike from availing themselves of the many proven benefits that hypnosis and hypnotic processes have to offer. This blog is intended to address some of these misunderstandings: to set the record straight (or straighter, anyway), if you will.

Hypnosis, a term coined by Scottish physician, James Braid, in 1842, has a history that goes back much farther, probably having its origins in Egyptian and Greek temple practices thousands of years ago. While different labels were used to describe it, and different rituals surrounded its use, they all built on the basic truth that human beings are highly responsive to suggestions, both negative (nocebo) and positive (placebo). That responsiveness is wired into our physiology. It is an enduring legacy of our evolutionary heritage. That response to suggestion is an essential aspect of our capacity for resilience in the face of adversity. That response to suggestion is a core element enabling us to adjust and adapt to changing life circumstances. That response to suggestion is, at its core, what enables “hypnosis” (by whatever name we call it) to evoke the effect it does.

The essential point here, which I’ve written about in a number of peer reviewed journal articles, is that hypnosis is merely the modern name for an interactive, relationship-based process by which a person’s innate capacity for change is evoked through individualized suggestions. Hypnosis is NOT something magically done TO the person; it is NOT something that requires a person to give up their control or autonomy; it is NOT something that exists separate from what the interaction between client and clinician co-create together. (While self-hypnosis exists, the point often missed is that even in that context, a person is simultaneously the one offering the suggestion and the one listening to the suggestion - a fascinating example of people’s ability to be of two minds at the same time.)

The essential elements of a successful hypnotic interaction involve:

  • Creating a subjective sense of safety and security with the client, which reduces client defensiveness and enhances their mental flexibility in the context of open-minded curiosity

  • Creating suggestions that foster the client’s ability to turn their attention inward or, in the case of peak performance states (e.g., sports, musical performance, test-taking), outwardly but with a state of narrowed attentional focus

  • Creating the room and space for the client to become increasingly absorbed by the suggestions offered by the clinician and attuned to their internal cues that ratify their subjective sense that the suggestions are “landing”

  • Practiced utilization by the clinician of the client’s capacity to respond at both conscious and non-consious levels to suggestions for relevant and therapeutically beneficial sought after changes

What does trance have to do with it?

Trance, like hypnosis, is a word weighed down with lots of unnecessary baggage. Think of trance as simply describing a shift in attentional focus that is characterized by the experience of being absorbed in an altered state of mental awareness where ideas or responses to suggestion arise without deliberate intention. That does NOT mean against your will. There is NO loss of control. There IS a shift in how control is perceived. It DOES mean that the client typically reports that the new and helpful shift in responsiveness seemed to arise automatically, bypassing the usual obstacles to change that typically bring the person to therapy in the first place!

Conversation, Hypnosis, and Trance

Hypnosis is too often thought to require a deep, eyes closed, immobile body sitting still posture. Not true. People are responsive to suggestions in all sorts of mental states. While an eyes closed stance can be useful, relaxing, and comforting in the same way that people experience the savasana pose at the end of a yoga session, such a posture or pose isn’t necessary.

In my work with clients and the consultation training I offer for licensed health professionals, I make use of suggestions throughout the interaction. I incorporate “formal” hypnosis only when necessary or when requested by the client. Otherwise, the benefits of utilizing opportunities to suggest subtle shifts in thinking, experiencing, and responding exist throughout the session. Learning how to recognize and utilize these opportunities is the essence of conversational hypnosis.

The same way that you can come away from a special musical performance, an engaging theatrical production, an inspiring speech, a moving book, an absorbing movie, a star-filled cloudness sky, or most relevantly, an intimate conversation with a trusted friend, conversational hypnosis exists as a powerful, ever-present capacity for positive change that exists within each of us, no matter our personal history or struggles with personal growth.

As a famous Harvard cardioloist once said (paraphrasing here): Change is always possible. The challenge is in finding the door through which change can enter.

A Coupling Primer for Couples

A Coupling Primer for Couples

People are social creatures. We are not designed to live solitary lives. We do have varying preferences for how we connect with others. Some people prefer smaller, intimate circles of friends (introverts), while others are drawn to larger groups from which they draw their energy and social rewards (extroverts). Whatever your specific preference, most people seek out their deepest level of connection with just a single partner in whom they powerfully invest deep hopes and dreams about their future lives. (Let me temporarily move past the sad truth of how often people’s choice of that life partner doesn’t last as they’d hoped.)

Seeking Solidarity in a Time of Division

Seeking Solidarity in a Time of Division

We are witnessing the fallout from at least four years on increasing divisiveness in our country. With results of the 2020 general election still in doubt, the intensity of the polarization remains all too apparent. We know that the heat of polarization can be inflamed, so that “different” becomes “unrecognizable,” and this, in turn, becomes “unacceptable” or “intolerable.” Is this suspiciousness and rejection of “the other” avoidable?

Building Solidarity

Building Solidarity

Solidarity involves a feeling of common purpose that unites people and urges a course of action toward a common goal. The original meaning of solidarity reflects our interdependence with each other. While we may act as though we are distinct and separate human beings who act independent of one another much of the time, when situations arise that bring us together, we can appear to reconnect with our underlying commonality: the interconnectedness that unites us.

The Imperfection of Perfectionism

“I should have done better.” “I’m ugly (…or fat, or stupid, or unsuccessful, or undeserving, or unpopular or unworthy, or…).” “This isn’t good enough. I’ll never be good enough.” “I promise I’ll do better next time.” “Everything seems to come more easily for everyone else. I just can’t get it right.”

Do these thoughts sound familiar? They should. They are all forms of a rapidly exploding belief system that has more than doubled among people young and old in the U. S. in the past 20-years. They are all forms of unattainable perfectionism.

Why are Relationship Struggles so Common and so Challenging

Excuse me for being a bit skeptical about relationship therapies. Given that I work with many couples of all shapes, sizes, and ages, that may be surprising, or even confusing….Aren’t there some basic, common sense, and proven truths about what creates relationship struggles and challenges and what can be done to help you to get back on track toward a more satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling relationship? Thankfully, the answer is yes.

Awash in Neuro-Chemical Data and Still Uncertain What You Want or Need?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the “recipe” for loving relationships could be distilled into just a few words? The complexity of individual and interpersonal needs that intersect in our relationships prevents any simplistic, one-size-fits-all solution. But, there are several timeless skills that appear over and over as essential to cultivating strong, loving, and lasting relationships. In this post, I connect the brain’s functioning to relationship health. I hope you enjoy it!

Taming Our Urgent Striving Yields Better Results For All

I have found that many clients greet the end of the year with a keen focus on where they believe they fell short this past year. And, as they face the New Year, they promise to double down, try even harder, and seek to make up for perceived “lost time,” as though we can ever regain what is already done and behind us. What can nature teach us about taming our urgent striving to “get ahead” and “make up for lost time” that ultimately puts us further behind? Read on…

The Gift of Authenticity

For so many, the period between Thanksgiving and New Years is fraught with challenges as families get together (or don’t) and old scores, unmet needs, unacknowledged concerns, simmering grievances, and cosmic clashes detract not only from the spirit of this time of year but from the ability of families and the individuals who comprise them to find a path to peace. For some simple but powerful ideas to guide you though this season, read on.

Thank you, Charles Darwin

Diversity, it seems, is hardwired into Mother Nature’s plans. But, what role does diversity play in supporting intimate relationship health? This blog explores the role diversity plays in our bodies, our social communities, and ultimately in our intimate lives. Read on to learn more.