Writings about the intersection of mind, brain, body, relationships, and health.
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Dr. Ran Anbar, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician based in California, has a monthly podcast. In it, he interviews innovative clinicians from around the world about their approach to clinical and therapeutic practices. Here is Dr. Anbar’s interview with me from September 25, 2024.
Our conversation covered a wide range of topics that I suspect you’ll find interesting and even eye-opening. So, tune in and enjoy!
People are social creatures. We are not designed to live solitary lives. We do have varying preferences for how we connect with others. Some people prefer smaller, intimate circles of friends (introverts), while others are drawn to larger groups from which they draw their energy and social rewards (extroverts). Whatever your specific preference, most people seek out their deepest level of connection with just a single partner in whom they powerfully invest deep hopes and dreams about their future lives. (Let me temporarily move past the sad truth of how often people’s choice of that life partner doesn’t last as they’d hoped.)
“I should have done better.” “I’m ugly (…or fat, or stupid, or unsuccessful, or undeserving, or unpopular or unworthy, or…).” “This isn’t good enough. I’ll never be good enough.” “I promise I’ll do better next time.” “Everything seems to come more easily for everyone else. I just can’t get it right.”
Do these thoughts sound familiar? They should. They are all forms of a rapidly exploding belief system that has more than doubled among people young and old in the U. S. in the past 20-years. They are all forms of unattainable perfectionism.
Excuse me for being a bit skeptical about relationship therapies. Given that I work with many couples of all shapes, sizes, and ages, that may be surprising, or even confusing….Aren’t there some basic, common sense, and proven truths about what creates relationship struggles and challenges and what can be done to help you to get back on track toward a more satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling relationship? Thankfully, the answer is yes.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the “recipe” for loving relationships could be distilled into just a few words? The complexity of individual and interpersonal needs that intersect in our relationships prevents any simplistic, one-size-fits-all solution. But, there are several timeless skills that appear over and over as essential to cultivating strong, loving, and lasting relationships. In this post, I connect the brain’s functioning to relationship health. I hope you enjoy it!
